“Never say anything negative about your spouse to anyone ever.” 

Out of all the advice I’ve heard throughout almost 25 years of marriage, this one has stuck around the longest. This simple, yet power filled statement has been some of the best mortar to keep our marriage strong. 

Negativity can tear down a house. 

Now I must confess, early on in my marriage, I didn’t listen to this statement. I did what, in my mind, I thought every wife did. I would call my mom and tell her all of the negative things my husband was doing. And do you know what happened??? She in turn started to see my husband painted in a negative light. That marital bond began to crack. 

My husband isn’t perfect (yes, I said that) and neither am I (I said that one with my whole heart!). We all have sinned (Romans 3:23). I know with certainty that I did/do things that cause my husband to think negatively about me because of that sin problem in this world. But the wonderful thing about our statement at the top about not talking negative to anyone about our spouse, is that we, he and I, must talk about it just between us. No one else has to know. No one else will look at me negatively by the words that come from my husband’s mouth. Some may still find a negative fault within us, but it’s best to let them find it and not hand it to them on a silver platter. It all comes down to what we call the golden rule: “Therefore, whatever you want men to do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.” (Matthew 7:12) If I wouldn’t want my husband going around town broadcasting all of my faults, neither should I. 

Negativity can tear down a house. 

Keeping the negativity just between us has strengthened our marriage. Our foundation has no cracks. We have built our house on love and compassion and grace and forgiveness. 

My husband and I had the wonderful opportunity to attend the Freed-Hardeman lectures on compassion last year. While there, I was able to get a coffee and catch up with a dear friend from Texas. We sat in the coffee shop on a comfortable couch talking and sipping iced coffees. I had prayed on the walk over that my mouth wouldn’t say too much because sometimes my mouth just pours it all out. (That day was definitely a sometime day and I should have kept the straw in my mouth.) As my mouth was pouring out words faster than cats and dogs on a rainy day, I soon came to realize my words were not as sweet as my cup of coffee. My words were negative just about everything, except my husband. Negative words are, more often than not, easier to speak. Negative words stick forever. 

Negativity can tear down a house. 

In that moment, my mind went to our statement of no negative words about our spouses. It’s funny how our minds work. It could very well be that my mouth was working faster than my prayer was answered in that moment just to teach me a lesson. Whatever the case, it has caused me to wonder, is it possible to carry that principle into our other relationships? What if I changed that statement just a little? What if I changed spouse to family or friends or brothers and sisters in Christ or the church? What if I built every relationship I have on that love and compassion and grace and forgiveness that I have learned to do in my marriage? Why has it taken me so long to figure that out?? I have no idea, but I know for sure that I will try my best to be more positive with others from here on out. That is what is wonderful about our mistakes. They give us something to learn from. 

Negative words can tear down houses…

But…

Positive words and attitudes can build better relationships.

By: Kristina Odom